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The Virgins
Previous | Next by adrienne 06 June, 2003 - 7:15 AM

Now that I'm older, the opportunity to break the cherry (methaphoriacally) of a peer comes less and less often. I look out for it, I like doing it, and I've come to find that there are signs on the road telling which path will be most friendly.

Usually the prospective other parties know of my interest in the more juvenile pleasures and start to give me hints about their ammenability to new experiences, and these are the things to look out for. How do you know if your compadre is ready to experience underaged fun with the spice of a possible jail sentence? Here are the signs I've noticed among all that have sought me out:
A) Firstly, beneficiary starts pointing out all of the things that s/he missed during the years between puberty and accountability, as follows...
"I missed so much shit when I was underage, and now if I (insert illegal yet victim-less activity here) I'll get fifteen to twenty in a federal prison".
"You're a dick. You should have gotten that out of your system along time ago...but since you're a dumb-ass and I think I can convince you that you enjoy the danger, let's go (insert stoopid, yet pleasurable, activity here) now and do it. Better late than never...?".
B) The recently interested starts indicating times of the (unit of time, i.e. month, year) that would be especially bad for them to do (previously discussed bad thing) because of (insert responsibilities a, b, and c). This leaves you, the consigned rebel friend, to figure out by process of elimination which time might be best, read: productive, to temp them.
C) Curious party also starts doing legal things in more dangerous/illegal ways. They may begin drinking shots in the car before arriving at the bar; they may flash a busy street, they may duct tape another person to a toilet and leave them there.
D) Recently interested then leaves you to eliminate the non-pssible options of location much the way you puzzled through timing. Hints about where NOT to go are forthcoming.

But now that I've turned a leaf I'm having problems turning off the road in these situations. The temptation to break in a new/old delinquent is too much, and there’s little to no effort involved with participants such as those mentioned above. It's like looking at a Christmas present under the tree on December 1st, but Mom's not there to smack your hand away. I'd rip that paper open now just like I would have then; Self Control is a monster I chose not to fight until recently. For now I think the jury is out.

6/6/2003 >> Casey

Ummmm, what? Correct me if I'm wrong, you're complaining about how you're conscience is starting to interfere with fucking minors, right?

6/6/2003 >> Casey

OK, you're complaining about how you're conscience is starting to interfere with hooking minors on crack, right?

6/6/2003 >> Casey

Talking about drugs isn't illegal you know, you can just come right out and say it and they can't bust you for it or anything.

6/6/2003 >> Casey

But you're fine with broadcasting statements like this, "(insert illegal yet victim-less activity here) I'll get fifteen to twenty in a federal prison" with the fed's computers.

By "crack" I'm being metaphorical too.

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